Dear Diary

Gigi and Gremlin recently arrived in hart's care through the Alberta Spay Neuter Task Force (ASNTF). Gigi has documented her journey in her diary. Without ongoing care and testing, it is likely little Gigi will not see her way through her illness and Gremlin will most likely need surgery to remove both of his eyes. If you feel compelled to help save these warrior souls, please visit the following link and contribute a one-time or monthly donation to help sponsor their treatments and care.

Dear Diary,
It's still really cold out but my tummy stopped hurting so much because mom found some garbage for us to eat two days ago. The shining sun isn't keeping us warm through winter, so I am very grateful to have Grizz and Gypsy with me. Our body heat helps keep us from freezing during the cold, dark, and long nights. Humans threatened to kill us if we were found in the building we were staying in, so we found a field to sleep in, but the wind is so cold. I also haven't seen mom since she brought us dinner a couple of days ago. I wonder if she's ok…

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Dear Diary,
It's warmer out these days. Grizz and Gypsy thankfully found a bag of trash and brought back some rotted meat for us to share. I've felt very sick the last few weeks and haven't had the strength to roam around and help find food for us. My tummy is swelling and feels like something is pushing out from the inside. I'm really scared but don't want to upset Grizz and Gypsy so I do my best to deal with the pain on my own. I sometimes feel it might be easier to close my eyes and just not wake up. We haven't seen mom for weeks and we're starting to think something awful happened to her. We pray every single night before we fall asleep that we'll get to see her again. I think that's what hope is. She taught us to never give up so I'm going to try my best each morning to wake up and be thankful.

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Dear Diary,
Today we saw humans walking through the field that we're sleeping in. Because I'm too weak to walk, Grizz and Gypsy pulled me into taller grass so we all could hide. The last time we saw humans they almost killed us for being somewhere they didn't want us. I could feel Gypsy's heart beat a lot faster because he lied on top of me to try to protect me. We even held our breaths so we wouldn't make a sound. The footsteps kept getting closer and we could see hands reaching through the grass. We closed our eyes and prayed that they wouldn't kill us. The humans found us and picked us up one by one. I kept my eyes closed and just kept praying. The fear felt a lot worse than being really sick so I focused on how great Gypsy's warm heartbeat felt. Gratitude filled me again because I knew he loved me. I was ready for whatever I was going to face.

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Dear Diary,
The humans took us into a building with a small room and shut the door. The last time we were in a building they told us they'd kill us. I haven't been able to move my weak body because of the painful sores I have on my stomach, so Grizz and Gypsy came to rest beside me and gave me kisses. We knew our lives would soon end so we tried to focus on the few good things we'd known in life. We all agreed that we loved sunshine the most. They came in and took Grizz and Gypsy away so I was all alone and another human shut the door. The fear started to fade and I accepted my fate. I closed my eyes and prayed it would be quick. I heard her soft voice whisper, "Hello Gigi. You're safe now, sweet one." I peeked my eyes opened just barely and saw her smile. It felt warm, just like the sunshine.

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Dear Diary,
The human with the soft, sweet voice picked me up, pressed me gently into her arms, and I felt warm. Maybe I was just exhausted and weak, or maybe I sensed the human wouldn't hurt me, but I let my whole body relax. I heard the door open again and I opened one eye to see what was happening. A different human cradling another dog in her arms was brought into the room. They called him Gremlin. I was too scared to say hello, but a putrid smell filled the air. It was the smell of excrement and feces. I glanced and could see that he was covered in it. He lifted his head slightly and asked who was there with him. I mustered all of my bravery and strength and said my name. Still cradled in her arms, he put his head down and said thank you. He said he couldn't see me at all but could smell that I was there. I said I could smell him too. I saw a tear roll down his cheek and he quietly apologized for it. I whispered that I was just grateful to not be all alone. He was too. Scared, sick, and smelly, we waited to see what the humans would do with us. The warmth reminded me of what hope was again. Whatever the future had in store for us, I felt happy to be with Gremlin.

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Dear Diary,
I'm feeling more and more tired lately. I'm being careful not to make eye contact with any of the humans, even the one who was holding me nicely. My guess was that if we don't look at them they won't hurt us, and it's worked so far. Gremlin and I overheard the humans talking about something called parvovirus. He said he had a friend who died from it, and that he had suffered a lot. I felt scared thinking about being in even more pain. Do all lives have as much pain I wonder? The humans poked us with needles and gently prodded at our bodies. I did my best to describe to Gremlin what they would be doing because he couldn't see them. It didn't hurt, but I'm just so confused. Is this what it feels like to die? I told Gremlin that maybe dying wouldn't be so terrible after all.  Then he told me something that made my whole world turn upside down, but it made me feel very warm inside. He said that he'd heard stories of humans who helped dogs like us. Humans that cared about us and didn't want us dead, and that would maybe even love us. He said that the humans weren't hurting us and were doing these things to help us. Could it be true? I knew now that this is what hope was. The humans, in their soft, warm voices, said we didn't have parvovirus. I think this is what they call happy too. Gremlin said it would probably be safe for me to try and sleep so I closed my eyes feeling hope and happiness for the first time that I could remember.

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Dear Diary,
I woke up from my long nap to find myself in a carrier crate. I peeked around and couldn't believe how clean and amazingly beautiful it was. I used all of my energy to push myself up and look out the opening through the pretty metal door. I could see that I was being driven in a vehicle. It hurts to breathe in too deep, but I tried my best to take long, deep breaths to calm down. I felt panic wash over me and couldn't stop myself from shaking. I thought about Gypsy and Grizz, and hoped they were still alive. I thought about Gremlin too, and my heart felt heavy. I'd been so weak and had fallen asleep, and now he was gone too. I prayed he was safe and that somebody was with him to be his eyes in the world.  I felt like I was outside of my body looking down at myself. I heard myself whimper and wince in pain, and I vomited inside the exquisite crate and all over the clean, soft blankets underneath me. I felt the car slow and it came to a stop. I saw the nice lady with the soft voice peer inside the crate and look at me. I was sure that would be it for. How could anyone forgive the mess I'd made? She opened the shiny door and picked me up. She petted my back and stroked the side of my face. I started to cry. She said the mess I'd made wasn't a big deal and feeling better was what was most important. I collapsed from all the stress in her arms again and she kissed my forehead. She must've sensed my worry, because she told me everyone was safe now. I didn't need to worry about anything except trying to feel better now. She cleaned the crate and I went back inside. As we drove, I thought about doing the best job I could to feel better. After all, how else could I show how thankful I was for a clean place to sleep?

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Dear Diary,
The vehicle I was in came to a stop. The nice lady with the soft voice picked up the crate with me inside and took me into a building. I sniffed and could smell just how clean everything was. We sat down together and she hummed me a song to keep me calm and comfortable. I didn't even realize that I liked music and haven't ever known nice sounds, but it really helped. I came to trust a little bit that they weren't going to kill me because if they were, they probably would have done it already.  We went into a small room and another human came in. He had a sweet, soft voice too. He said he was going to do everything he could to help me feel better. Thinking back to the howling winter winds I was used to hearing, I was grateful for the nice sounds around me now. I forced my eyes open a little but to look at the nice lady beside me again. I tried really hard to ask her about Gremlin with my eyes. She smiled warmly at me and said he was in the room beside me. I wept in relief. I had felt so guilty for falling asleep and leaving him alone. But everything he said was coming true. These humans were different. No one had ever been nice to me before and I always thought that people yelling in me at anger was all I would hear. The nice man with the sweet, soft voice picked me up, looked at my sores and swollen belly, and stroked my face. He smiled warmly and said I would need testing and a lot of care. Care. I'd never heard that word before. I hoped that care was a soft song he would sing to me.

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Dear Diary,
The nice lady with the soft voice held me up so the man could look closer at my tummy. I was really afraid but she let me lean into her so I felt safer and supported. He looked at my swollen, distended belly and knew I hadn't eaten much at all in weeks. He saw the open sores on my skin and said he knew I was in a lot of pain. He massaged ointment onto one bigger sore and it felt cool and soothing. It was instant relief from the agony I've known for so long. I didn't even realize that it was possible to not feel pain before. It was CARE, and I loved it! He said I had a lot more care to get too. I started to softly hum the nice sound I heard before. It's all I could think of to do to try and show them how grateful I was. Because I couldn't pay for myself to have care, I hoped they would love my song enough to not turn me away. I heard the nice man talking about Gremlin too. He said that his eyes would need to be removed because they were causing him a lot of pain. Even though it won't be easy for him, I know if his care feels like mine, it just may be all ok. I hummed a song in hopes to get Gremlin his care too. 

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Dear Diary,
I overheard my foster momma on the phone last night. She was talking with someone about all my vet bills and how much my medicine costs. I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like I was freeloading and that I should be able to take care of myself. I didn't mean to drink anti-freeze, it just tasted good and I was so hungry at the time. I thought back to that moment and wished I could've known. I hope she doesn't ask me to leave. Is that how it works? If you can't pay for yourself do you go back on the street? I sure hope not…
Oh and guess what? Gremlin is feeling better too.

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Dear Diary,
Today I learned that my medicine to help keep my kidneys working costs $10.00 per month. I don't know if that's a lot, but when you have no money to give like me, it sure feels like it. I also heard that my vet bills cost 'thousands'. I've never heard that word before and didn't even realize numbers went that high. My foster momma saw the worry on my face and told me that it would be ok. She told me I could stay and that a forever family would want me, even though my medicine costs money every month. She also said that if I hoped hard enough, maybe some kind folks would sponsor the cost of my medicine and help pay my vet bills so others could be saved. I hoped and started to think really hard about what I could do to help people sponsor me.Wanna know what else? Gremlin was adopted. Even though he is unable to see he found the most perfect mama to love him.


Dear Diary,
I am SO excited because I know how I can show people how grateful I am for being alive! I hope that by reading my whole diary, I will inspire 10 people to donate $10.00 monthly for a year. This way, I will be paying back a large amount of the money that was needed to save my life. Diary, do you think there are 10 people out there willing to help me pay for my medicine and give other really sick dogs hope? I'll close my eyes and wish really hard that people remember Grizz, Gypsy, and Gremlin. We all needed help and I know there are so many others waiting for rescue.

Written by hart at 00:00



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